I’ve spent weeks, months even, thinking about how I was going to write this post and correctly phrase what I want to say to wrap up 2018. So many things happened this year that really shaped me and also gave me a new perspective on things.
I firstly want to thank EVERYONE who has ever read, shared, commented and liked “Through This Mind” posts. It makes me smile knowing that so many people can relate to my stories. That I have been able to help others with my tips and advice shared and also been able to give many readers a new understanding of someone else’s life. It’s been an honour and a privilege and I don’t take such a thing lightly.
Please don’t think that me writing my posts on mental health, self-confidence, friendships, relationships, university and work means that my life has been excellent this year or I’m writing from a place of privilege. Best believe I’ve had to go back to re-read MY OWN posts and take my own advice. I’m happy I applied my 4 tips on how to navigate this year and living it to the fullest in the inaugural #TTM post. I also remember my periods of low confidence and re-reading “Encourage Yourself”. I remember my “Relapsing” post (basically a self-trigger to get myself back on track!). I can recount the different occasions I learnt something new about myself, mental health generally and other people, each time I posted a new article. That’s what I’ve enjoyed most about this process – that you’re always learning.
However, this year has been one big juxtaposition. Highest of highs and lowest of lows all at the same time.
One major HIGH that happened is that I found love… I know… a whole me! For someone who has been single and alone (not always lonely) for 20something years to finally find someone I can confide in, be honest with, open up to and my total self has been amazing and something at one point I thought I wouldn’t experience. Through this relationship I’ve actually been able to apply my main #TTM theme of “being open and speaking to someone”. She’s my go to, she my main confider and trusted friend. Not saying I’m perfect at it but I know she has “Created The Environment” to enable it and I love her for that!
On the 7th August, in the middle of the night, I lost the closest thing to a son to me, Joel Urhie, in the most devastating way ever. We were so close, and I saw so much potential in him. It not only affected me and our family but the nation. I don’t know if I’ve fully mourned him, as it’s just not an emotion I’m familiar with. I sometimes get rapid triggers of emotion about it and I sometimes don’t know how to feel about it. But I know I’m managing, well.
As you can see, the contrast of the two major events that happened this year has caused me to be unable to put my finger on how to conclude this year. I was able to find the love of my life but experienced for the first time a part of my heart leaving.
So, it’s hard.
I still believe it’s important to write down your thoughts, sit in your emotions to understand it and work on pin pointing what it is you feel.
In the midst of everything, I have been focused on improving my mental health, not reverting to bad and old habits. Being accountable to myself, ensuring I stay on the right path, not just for my benefit but for those around me. I’m taking all of the lessons I’ve learnt and going into 2019 prayered up, focused, determined, living with intention (shoutout to Bae) and dedicated to my year and life goals.
In 2019, I will be doing mainly guest writers, so that we can all read a wider and diverse range of stories and journeys to relate to and appreciate. So, please email me: firstname.lastname@example.org so we can work on transforming the narrative and normalise the conversation around mental health.